Part 3:

I’m not actually here, but I’m experiencing things in high degree.

                               hey, hey, the water

                                   has run me flat

I’ve been on my knees and lazy

I’ve been on my feet at will

Now don’t you fall

Cause I got time to kill

and I aint got time,

          O,

 I aint got time.

Winter

   Southwest

Trees made of thunder bolts

        Lightening bolts

Standing looking at the mountains, seeing where the water pressure went-

Peaks, to making fins, to falling out in gulfs.

Imagine the water running over my head, and I am on the shelf of an ocean.

Blue, white and red-

What a fantastico southwest,

How is it the land and sky should replenish one another?

(artist like)

Tyrant without prejudice

Good witch?

Bad witch?

Refinement devil?

Understand angel?

Roast mutton, fry bread

              I keep hearing the lazy sound of aero planes.

First sounds of coyotes.

DB drives us in past carefree-

Bikers bring on a drunken mania

       Its always the same at night-

All happy families are all alike

Feb. 18 

See water

some girl looking

Smiling at me and dog, - she’s pet happy.

Another road side. See dirt bike and girl resembling Her. I imagine being with her, knowing where I am, having a home.

Camp on public land, forest service land. Drink lots of wine, listen to Babel and Astrud Gilberto. DB: “Gathunderfuck weed” =NW…

Very wasted, roll sage cigarette. Feel reckless, thinking jealousy: girl with bike. Hummer tours disembark

Coming and going

P crazy,

want to throw up…

Feb. 19

Feb. 22

Talking to Robin about girl with dirt bike:

I should know these roads like the back of my hand. We should be going home, cooking food.

“Crickets sing for Ana Maria,” Dengue Fever, Greenhorns, Freakwater…

Duty

To reinvent

To return

Man’s perception of God, like Blake, through corrosives…

Infinity

            Opposition

                              my career, Forensic Psych

Nursing on mother nature’s water

Feeding on the thought of soul

God give me some love

      Give me some control…

After parting with DB

Power and main. Apache square. Laundry. Talk to mom.

“We fluff your stuff - Arizona Fluff ‘n Clean”

Dishwashing soap, floss, maybe disposable cups?

Feb. 27

The tumbleweeds roll into the lake. The geese are migrating. The sun is warm on my car.

A seagull!

The desert drapes; the mesa sits.

Feb. 28

No hike today. Moon on the water and electric jumping fish. I’ve been waiting all day for the clouds to pass.

March 1

Did Geronimo just tell me “drinking makes for silly men?”

March 2

I could use something from Ma’s Kitchen.

March 3

Enjoy

Landscape

Diversity

Food

March 5 

Bird wheels under the cacti.

I meet an old acquaintance in my dream. I say with my surprise, “Ashley Moorehead”

She just smiles and rolls her eyes.

Amazingly firm ass.

I think of Flaubert in Eygpt…

March 7

Come on mind

      Let it go

Let the world

    Be one

Manifestations all

  Evil aside

This is thinking

 living working

  Thoughts

March 10

I was born in the backcountry of a retrograde mind. I’ve thought that before. Really. I don’t know when. Could’ve been a long time ago.

March 13

Dog bites at flies,

Alcohol makes for silly men

Dust flies off a tree

The holy spirit is moving

Ancestors are in the rocks

I usually see where the

Water has been

But this is sheer

Upheaval.

Crash

Chiricahua

Thunderstorm

We wait under juniper tree

The rumbling rolls over

The mountains get their shroud

Of mist.

Nature is on an elevated

 plain.

The mountains sit,

the rain rains,

their power is greater than

man’s.

The spirit invested,

 completion, unity.

April 4

Crashed in Chiricahuas (On ides of March). Doing dishes, laundry. Cleaning rooms, watering plants, feeding horses, burros, and geese- and the only mythic thing I can think of is “John boy”… and not a single lesbian around…some kind of Don Juan…

Walking in Chiricahuas

 in good china drink yerba mate. Walking dirt road to work, thinking about the workers of Paraguay.

The cold dry deeps of space- the desert elements distinct

And a mixing of potentials bring for the most part- cool reflections of the sun in winter- Sandy, empty, nominal heat, little earthy vegetation waiting for monsoons and the branding of summer.

April 8

Things take a twist

Monster of work

Adventure of Poseidon and Odysseus?

April 11 (recourse)

Feeling high thinking of giving another woman ecstasies…

May 1

Engendering meaning, and peace within myself…but why cant I see the value and meaning … ancestors army… just let them stand… and the rocks were standing in dignity…

I don’t see ego in the rock, but its other.

How say, see, feel, Tao and ancestors, and shrug?

Tao on the canyon

Floor, the life force

And the cradling canyon-

What moves you heaven?

Canyon life vibrant green

At bottom. Canyon walls wide and

Strong. Space between - see heavens

Moving,

Tao, Tao, Tao…

The rocks are standing up, looking down the gorge, into distance of space- some stand relaxed around the foot of the one, like giant Buddha in Japan, Cochise- facing heaven, awake or asleep, meditating, lain on the earth.

Nature’s perfection lies in being what it is… People? Chiricahua…

Wondering at the landscape- speaking to me in harmonic disposition

Realize “Cochise head”

Is not randomness. And reflect, “and I am going so fast.”

Pass parking lot on trail, have to go back; this has me walking in direction of Cochise. I wonder how now I see he even has a Mohawk, wonderful wild hair falling behind him.

Personally, I may believe I know why I exist. Impersonally, no.

Impersonally I may believe I know God exists. Personally, no.

Joshua tree notes?

May 9

Delicate arch, slightly leaning toward the future in amphitheater worthy of God?

May 9 after getting lost

Take a deep breath

Here is the beauty of the main trail.

May 15

Canyonlands, big spring to squaw canyon-

You left me praying for you.

And I was praying for a big spring.

May 16

May in Hovenweep

Walking out of Hovenweep

Touch a fir

 And think, “you’re new.”

Modern civilization is just the addition of new things.

May 20

El Morro. Steps to pueblo, as to shrine. 6 directions I learned of at Anasazi heritage center. Around and down box canyon to water. The reason it’s a homestead- pilgrimage.

El Morro, Spanish inscriptions about conquest.

Petroglyph of an ancient body mirroring spiritual?

Zuni Res.

Little girl in the rain, delicately bending at the knees to tend something on the ground.

No stopping for jewelry, or pottery, too sad… and too bashful,

Home and moist earth. Coral red of mesa, stripes of white sediment. The sage and pinon, rain clouds gauzy shroud- all being lifted in deep gray.

May 24

Sitting, holy. Wind, water moving through, also sitting in space.

May 25

Remember: horses bending their necks in the wind.

Now I am in another world, looking for my wife.

Monument Valley, your ominous baby…

May 26

Walking with the sound of

chanting in my head.

“I don’t care if you were born

500 times,

I still love you,

ta hey ya hey ya

Monument valley walk

Pregnant

Wrapped

In a thick blanket

Bun swirl high on head

Over there, bundle on back

Keeping watch

Setting out

A spirit showing itself

In native dress

Still the slow steps

From steppes

Still the spirit

Appearing

Still the attendants

Watch.

The devil shows his face

        Subjugation of the table.

Settlements on top

Underground story

Revealed by erosion.

It is not a story about

      Subjugation.

The Brave

Procession of generations

Man with bird at mouth singing

The masked bending their ear

To the slender lady in dark dress

Under the snake who’s mouth is open

Another

With puckered mouth

A jug of water

And a shaking of hands

Under the otter

A face of suffering

One eye in shadow

One open too large

Flooding tears

Beside, right, a sliver of landscape

The family goes forward

Hand on their childrens

 Heads, tilting up

They look into their palms.

Over the flute

Large open eye, slit of light

No tears, smaller dark eye

In shadow

Brushed circle of third eye.

Beside and above the otters

The head of a dinosaur

Gentle eyes

Below

The horses are running

Down a slope

Above, a Katchina kiss.

Its all so hard to comprehend.

Devilish figure, can I reason

You ash gargoyle?

Your mouth appears as a

Rectangular black monolith

Under a jagged nose

Eyes two shaded slits

Across your mouth

Etched broken sound wave

Jacket and pants creased stiff

At your back, an empty carriage.

Now with three eyes and a glock

A child never seeing above the waist.

Man reads to child

And traveler sets out.

As I leave, to the

Right I see the

Mocking of the gypsy

          And the travelers…

I look back to see

The priest simply

 watches the southwest

erode.

Silencing the woman

In the dark dress

Hand resting heavily

At the top of her head.

May 30

Canyon De Chelley

There are not

Too many days

Like this

Swallows glint

Whir just above my head

Two crows chase a

Red tailed hawk

6 buzzards circling

Above the canyon

Moving west

Swallows swimming down

The air of the canyon

In schools perching on the reef

And catching the current at once

(miniscule, thin)

Branch like an unwelcome

Calling, hanging over

The abyss

The buzzards reappear

Only to disappear North, South?

One bird thrust itself

Up out of the canyon, full body.

The swallows resume.

May 31

Road curving like a

Woman’s body

Materializing

Out of the

Reflection

Of the sky way.

Driving into

Flagstaff

  Spanish sounds

Native sounds

Moon full and rising

And she starts

To dance

Hair swept over

Like moon clouds

@concert: I’ve come to worship at the shrine of the modern Kokopelli.

June 6 (hopi res)

He says, “It looks a bit dry over here, think I’ll water some bushes.”

Hopi over the cliff?

      -humpty dumptewa

What do you call a four foot Katchina?

      -life size

Why don’t the Pimas and Papagos BBQ?

     -their beans would fall through the grill

What did the Navajo say to his horse?

            -Gallup

June 8

I say,“They put them back where they got them…”

Hear, its ok, though, to watch life through a fish tank.

Is it really true to see life through a fish tank?

Its good to know what’s a myth.

June 13

(What did the Navajo say to his horse?

            -Gallup)

Driving through

Nevada

Snow line

Of mountains, running

Into clouds

Yosemite- first green.

June 14 

Carson city, first smell of city.

June 20

Why does God and the

Spirit world want to

Treat me so cruel?

Because I’m completely delusional about what it means to be free-

And to have holy fleeting romances.

Completely set up here. The meaning and metaphors prove it.

June 20

Cape Flattery:

Kind of thing makes you wish you had an offering.

I will go back to Arizona and hope for residency for school, for Forensic Psych.

June 29

I reflect on him,

“What you come inside for if you don’t want children?”

Peace.

Now, where did she go?